Struggle before gain

I was lying in my bed crying and in

anguish with pain

Telling myself this would get better;

But the fear and doubt gave in  

Just as a doomed thought  entered my head, I heard His voice and then He said 

"Not yet my brother "and I asked Him "Why ?"

His hand then laid upon me

I began  to cry. 

Flashes appeared of my kids and my wife,

And he replied "Not yet my son,

Your not done with life"

Now as a child I accepted Christ as my savior ,

But it seemed I had went astray of my Christian behavior .

My belief was still strong ,but my actions were week.

And God new it was Christ our Lord I would once again seek.

That day I had to died in a sense ;

In order for "Everlasting Life "to commence. 

I'm now so much more thankful despite my pain;

Because  sometimes we struggle so we can gain.