Dreams

I am not a dreamer, but I dream. I am not a fighter, but I fight. I am not a teacher, yet I teach. I am not a singer, but I sing. Whatever God gives us to work with that is what we do. I have always sung. I remember pumping that old organ at Grassy Meadows and singing “Remind Me”. God has given me that ability to put a few notes together and make a joyful noise so I do. I have always taught Sunday school and VBS, but I am not a teacher. I fight for what’s right, for what’s good; but I am not a fighter. And lastly I dream, rarely, but I am not a dreamer! I do not sit around and dream of what will be what will come! But I do dream. And when I dream, they come from God. I have only dreamed of Danny twice since he died. I want to dream it’s just I don’t. The first time I dreamed about him he was standing in our bedroom doorway with his WV hat on waving at me as if to tell me goodbye. I liked that dream. The next dream, not so good. He was in a hospital bed and in terrible pain. He had a morphine pump but nothing was controlling the pain. I couldn’t control his pain. No matter how much I gave him, nothing. I remember trying to wake up but I was trapped in that nightmare; Helpless, not able to help him with his pain. The one thing I did do for his pain was to pray. And if that meant take him on to heaven then that’s what I prayed.

More recently I have asked God for dreams to show me my life. He never fails me so a few months ago, once again I was frustrated and praying so I ask God to show me my life. Just give me a dream so I can see what’s ahead for me! So that night when I went to bed, I knew I would get a dream. I could feel it. So the next morning I got up and tried to remember my dream. Yes, I had one and I saw the beginning which was now! But the life that followed, my life- was so fast! It was like a cartoon flip book in high year! So once again I say, “really, God?! You could’ve slowed it down”. I think He just does this stuff because He can. After all He is God. So I left it alone, minded my own business. Then my life started falling apart. Roads and avenues I didn’t understand were lying before me. Sometimes I felt like I was taking the wrong road so I would go a ways, stop, turn around and come back. Regroup and start again. As my life makes no sense to me I cried out again! Okay God, I just want the end, my end. Last frame of where I am supposed to be. Not my death bed! I know I am going to die sometime. So once again I asked for a dream- He delivered. Oh boy, He delivered. I was I am guessing mid 60s. I am in good health I am in a kitchen similar to my Moms. There is a rocking chair and I have lots of grand children. And lots of love! I am rocking babies and telling stories to the older grandkids. They sit at my feet. My hair is up, reminds me of mommy, but there is NO gray! Praise God for that! The stories I am telling are the accounts of my life when I obey God. When He would tell me to do something and I didn’t question it. I just went and did whatever he asked. That’s what seemed so important in my dream. That I pass on to the next generation what my Mom passed on to me! I can remember her telling me her stories of how God would work in her life. I didn’t understand it, till now, but I believed her because she had a relationship with Christ that most people only dreamed of. I have that relationship and yes, it is one made of dreams, visions, soft whispers, sometimes hard knocks but no matter what He holds me in the palm of His hand and there is nothing that can change that!

Isaiah 49:16

I have written your name on the palms of my hands

I think of this tattoo I have on my finger for Danny, it is permanent but yet I have to go get it touched up. It will fade! Our names on the hand of Jesus will never fade. They never have to get touched up. We just have to keep the faith, stay in his favor, seek his face, and let Him take all our troubles away.

After my car wreck on Thursday, a week ago, things are quite fuzzy for me! I am confused, disoriented, and unsure of what I am doing for fear of making a mistake. But in other ways things are clearer. I know I am right where God wants me, doing what He wants me to do. He crashed me for a reason and I have to give Him time to work it out. So in the mean time I go around confused in the things of the world, trying to get my thoughts together asking for a lot of help! But one thing I am not confused about is that Jesus loves me and He has a plan for my life. This is just a part of the plan; A piece of the puzzle. The part that went by so fast I couldn’t see. So back to my end! I do have all my family around me! And yes, I even get married again in My END that God showed me! So no matter what happens I know I’ll be OK. It’s this time in between we have to get through. Make the right choices. The choices that are God’s will. That’s why it is so important to let Him lead us. He wants to give us the best. But we have to say, “OK how can I help?” “What do you require of me?” If He says crash, you can’t say, but I don’t want to! You have to hold on to the knowledge that He knows all, sees all, IS all and He will take care of you! I have regretted asking to see my end, because now I am consumed with “when”? So take it from me, God has a plan for your life. Don’t get over anxious and ask to see the end, because chances are He will show you. We are just never satisfied. We always want more. Take each day He gives you as a blessing and a piece of the puzzle, His master plan for your life. Don’t ask for the end, just trust in Him and you know your end will be great! Because He goes before you, He has already been there! As for me, it’s too late, I know my end! It’s good, but I am always wondering when? How? What next?

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.