Sow Mercy [Live]

Focus

My head is jumbled up! Is that even a word? I don’t know. Have you ever played the game Boggle? Where you have several letters and you shake them up in a cup and toss them out. Then you try to make a word from the letters that fall out? Well that’s the way my head is. It’s as if someone is shaking all my thoughts around and when I write, that’s the result; All my thoughts from the cup that’s been spilled, trying to make one note. Maybe God can take all these thoughts and make sense of them. For someone. Or maybe it’s for many, that’s why they are so scattered, like my head! Speaking of my head, let’s go to where this all started. I had to go to Lewisburg to clean out my car from the wreck. So Rita volunteered to drive. Thank God for sisters! And I thank God that I was not an only child. Where would I be today without my siblings!? Anyway, focus, cleaning out my car. I found stuff in there that I had not seen in a long time. There was a door knob, flip flops-yeah, won’t be wearing those for a while, Jacobs Bible, Danny’s baseball glove, Christmas ornaments and this one will really get y’all, a pound of Oscar Meyer Turkey! Found that under the seat with the receipt attached. December 31! Don’t ask me how that happened. As I cleaned it out I thought of the little things I was going to miss. The seat warmers, the automatic seat controls, the sun roof, the Bluetooth…just things. Then Rita reminded me of what I wouldn’t miss…that car payment every month. As I finished I took one more look at the car and wondered again, how I got out with only a concussion. I questioned God again, what good came out of that wreck? None that I could see. As I got in her truck I thought of one place I hadn’t checked. The visors. And there was my reminder.

Happy Moments-Praise God

Difficult Moments-Seek God

Quiet Moments-Worship God

Painful Moments-Trust God

Every Moment-Thank God

I had placed the card that Danny had wrote that on above me to remind me that no matter what came my way, God was there in it! I may have to look for him, but He was there. This is one of those moments. A difficult time and I was trying to find God in it. How many of you are in that difficult time? Many of you are like me and try to find God in everything! I know He is there and I will eventually see it! But how many of you refuse to see God? How many of you just flat out refuse God?

Proverbs 16:20 (NIV)

20 Whoever gives heed to instruction prospers and blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord.

In life, our life, we all have a story. God made each of us unique. We all have gifts to use for His glory but we also all have weaknesses. Every one of us at some point and time are going to fail. I do it on a daily basis. I know I disappoint my heavenly father every day! But no matter what, I go to Him in each of the moments in my life. I go to the Rock, my Rock.

Psalm 62:7 (NIV)

7 My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

And while I am there I give Him all my problems, all my grief, all my worries.

Psalm 55:22 (NIV)

22 Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.

Have you ever wanted to give someone special the perfect gift? Something they would treasure, something that would last a lifetime? I have! I have spent way too much time and money on things but what I have found to be true is the greatest gift you can give anyone is the gift of Jesus. Tell them about how He came to live and die for them. How He loves each one of us as if we were the only one! What a love story that is! None of us are insignificant. We all matter to Him! Down to that last breath we take. And if we don’t have Jesus in our life each breath we take, takes us farther away from our creator. It’s our duty to tell our loved ones, our neighbors, and yes, even our enemies about Jesus Christ and how we can all get to Heaven by opening our hearts and inviting him in! All we have to do is believe.

John 3:16 (NIV)

16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

It’s the same as if we are all stranded in the wilderness. Some of us have a map and some of us don’t, we have to help each other out, to show them the way! We don’t want those we love left behind. We want to be with them for eternity.

1 Peter 5:6 (NIV)

6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.

There is a song: Humble yourself in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up, higher and higher and He will lift you up.

One of those songs that get stuck in your head and comes out at every corner. When you give everything to God, you feel so much better. You have no place to go but up! And with God He just lifts you farther and farther up! He knows all, sees all, so you may as well tell all. Get it off your chest, clean your house, get rid of the clutter; whatever you want to call it. Just get humbled in front of God.

Hebrews 4:13 (NIV)

13 Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

We can’t hide what we do, even though we think we can. God knows our heart. He knows why we do what we do. And even though we don’t always do what is right, He forgives us anyway time and time again.

Proverbs 15:3 (NIV)

3 The eyes of the Lord are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good.

Back to the thoughts in my head (focus)! Where is your focus? Is it on the things of the world? Your seat warmer, sun roof, Bluetooth? We have to take our eyes off of the things that bring momentary comfort and focus our eyes on Jesus. He is our ultimate comforter. We need to fall in love with Him over and over and over again.

Hosea 10:12 (NIV)

12 Sow righteousness for yourselves, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the Lord, until he comes and showers his righteousness on you

Sow mercy, sow grace, sow love, sow forgiveness, sow kindness and sow faith. The world is full of hurt and anger. We don’t need to sow anymore of that. There is enough of that to go around. We will reap what we sow; I choose to sow Jesus! He is all those things rolled up into one. What are you going to sow? Just remember it will come back to you!

Ephesians 4:1-3 (NIV)

Unity and Maturity in the Body of Christ

4 As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace

I Remember...

When I was 5 I remember going through my dad’s lunch box after work, it was always black from coal dirt but he always saved me a cake.  When I was 10 I remember trying to cook for mommy and daddy, of course they loved it, or at least they said they did.  I remember mommy watching for the school bus while I curled my hair, in high school!  I remember sitting on the green porch in the glider with Danny, that was date night.  I remember fixing up the little house at the intersection where we lived for 6 years.  Not a lot of money, but we were rich; all fond memories.  A lot of firsts.  Then we had kids! Life changed, for the better.  Lots of toys, busy schedules, new friends, old friends, lots of love, growing family.  The 90s were busy, 1990-Emily, 1993-Tanner, 1999-Jacob.  Jobs changed!  Mommy and Daddy went from babysitting for my kids to my kids babysitting them. Their health failed, but not their love or support; not their spirit.  I remember when I took Daddy to the doctor December 2009.  He already knew what the doctors told him. Cancer.  By March 2010 we said goodbye, but after loving someone for 70 years, how do you do that?  As dementia took over the avenues of her mind, we slowly lost her too.  Then in December 2010, she joined Daddy in Heaven.

3 years before, 2007, I remember waking up one day with a cold and earache.  I was treated with antibiotics.  Twice.  Nothing helped. That turned into pneumonia and nothing they tried improved it.  Bronchoscopes’,  biopsies, referrals, all these finally gave me the answer I searched for.  Auto-immune disease polymyositis with interstitial lung disease. That’s when I started relying on medicine more than Jesus!  Being a nurse, I always thought of medicine first, faith second.  With every new symptom I would take a new pill. Steroids were my friend.  Somewhere along the road between the weight gain of > 100 pounds and becoming diabetic, cataract surgery, osteoporosis; all results of prednisone, steroids became my enemy!  They were trying to kill me and were succeeding. Experimental chemotherapy was the last thing I tried, that was December 2010 right before Danny got sick and right after Mommy died. January 27, 2011 one cold winter night I remember Danny coming in from his woodshop and he showed me a pea sized lump right under his collar bone on his chest.  I remember praying right then and there for God to take care of that!  Of course Danny refused to see a doctor and that was his right! As the days grew longer the lump grew larger.  By April it was the size of a softball. And the doctors all said the same thing, hematoma.  Deep down I knew it was more. That’s when my faith began to take the place of medicine.  The day of his biopsy I remember feeling nothing as the doctor told me it wasn’t what they expected.  I felt numb. And for the next year and a half I continued to feel numb. I took the medicine to control the symptoms and I took care of Danny.  I began to pray, but I wasn’t seeing my prayers answered.  I prayed for his healing and I did not see his earthly healing of his body but he did receive his ultimate healing.  God answered my prayers.  I am still not sure of the answers He gave me, but I am learning. He kept me strong and healthy during his illness and what I wanted, Danny’s healing, was not His will.  But He stayed with us through that trial and stays with me today. After Danny died I decided I had to do something or I was going to follow him. Medicine was not working for me so I decided to go all out with my faith.  I knew it worked for Mommy and it would work for me too.  I stopped first one drug then another and started weaning myself off of the prednisone.  I remember one thing!  I started to FEEL!  I was sad, mad, depressed, everything all rolled up into one.  The things I should have been feeling all along I was feeling now!  And as bad as it felt, it felt good just to feel something, anything.    I began to pray for God to make me healthy and strong and to give me a heart of Christ.  I wanted people to see Jesus in me.  That was my prayer.

Romans 15:13 (ESV)

¹³ May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

The Holy Spirit began to do a work inside of me.  Yes, I was beginning to change on the outside, my hair was longer, I lost weight and I was getting healthy.  My eating habits changed, I began to exercise and my prayer life was taking over MY life.  When I walked, I prayed.  I walked a lot, I prayed a lot.  And God was answering my prayers.  He was making me healthy.  I looked into the mirror one day and I didn’t recognize myself.  God had changed me on the inside as well as the outside.  I was more forgiving, more compassionate, more loving.  I was filled with the love of Christ and I wondered what had I been doing before now?  I always thought I was doing what I was supposed to be doing for God.  But this sure made me question everything til now.  Everything I do is different.  The way I approach a problem, the way I approach an answer, and everything in between-I start with prayer.  I ask God to lead me, go before me and show me the way.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NIV)

¹⁸ give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Tomorrow will be 3 years that started my true test of faith.  Many prayers I have seen answered.  Some I don’t understand and probably never will.  God has a plan for my life, I don’t know what that is and I may never understand it but one thing is for sure it will glorify Christ!  That’s what we are here for, to glorify Him.  All this other stuff; jobs, love-relationships, homes; it is all temporary!  In May 2013, I was healed of my disease.  It has taken me this long to wean myself from prednisone but here I am.  1 ½ years after I prayed to God and He healed me.  He answered my prayers.  It has been 2 weeks since I took my last dose of prednisone and I can thank God for that.  I thank Him for all of it.  For my trials and my victories.  He knows how it all ends.  He sees the big picture.  Our ultimate goal is to get to Heaven, to look upon His face to hear Him say well done.  That’s what I want to hear!  But we stumble, we lose site of the big picture.  And I can tell you that today, I am feeling everything; mad, sad, angry, I feel it all.  And I feel like I am stumbling along the way.  I can’t see what is ahead of me.  I know what’s at the end; I know I am going to Heaven.  I know I am going to see mommy, daddy, Danny and the many other people who have gone on.  But today, right now, I am mourning what was. Tomorrow is another day.  Just because I stumble doesn’t mean my faith is gone.  It doesn’t mean I have fallen.  It means I lose my steps along this path called life and it means I need the love of Jesus.  It means I need the comfort of His embrace.

2 Corinthians 1:3-7 (NIV)

Praise to the God of All Comfort

³ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. ⁵ For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. ⁶ If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. ⁷ And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

I remember….

Old Blue

The seats are tattered.  The headlight is busted.  The grill is cracked.  The thermometer is broken.  The tire has a hole in it.  All of these malfunctions plus a few more make up “Old Blue”.  Old Blue has been sitting, quite lonely, unappreciated, and uncared for, for the last 2 years.  Barely maintained, license and insurance, that’s it, I didn’t drive it that was Danny’s baby, I had my own.  Well after last weeks collision things changed.  Old Blue is undergoing a face lift and joining the family~again.  But before I tell that story, I have to tell you what God has done for me!  And the reason I have to tell you is because He wants me too.  To show you how He cares for His children.  This child in particular.

After Danny died, I had to find a job.  I had bills to pay!  As most everyone does!  If you like to eat, and we do, then work we must.  So as with everything else in my life, I asked God to help me with my bills.  My car payment was quite high- 450$ monthly, One of those bills that you struggle to meet every month.  So I prayed especially for the car payment.  I am thinking God will make ends meet, He always does.  So last week after I wrecked, I worried!  I worried that insurance wouldn’t cover everything.  As things began to unfold I began to see my prayers answered.   First, I have to thank God for my wreck; He did keep me safe after all!  The damage to my car was so much that it was totaled.  I found out through a random conversation with my sister that I had GAP insurance, which pays the difference you owe on a vehicle if it is totaled (and just for the record, I don’t believe in randomness with God).  That was Danny.  I would not have bought that.  I also discovered I had (Danny again) purchased an extended warranty on my car.  Yesterday, State Farm called me to say they were going to give me 19800$ for my car.  I owe 17400$ and I have a 250$ deductable.  So it will not only pay it off completely, I am getting money back!  Oh yeah, the GAP insurance and extended warranty?  Getting money back on that too because it is being cancelled early.  My big monthly payment that I prayed for a solution?  God took care of it!  Gone!  Plus He gave me extra cash to get my car, Old Blue restored like new.  And that car insurance bill?  It’s going to be much less without that car on it!  So He has done way beyond what I asked.

Ephesians 3:20 (ESV)

Now to him, who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us.

He even went a little further!  It’s no secret I have the best brothers in the world.  Not only are they talented in that they can fix anything, anytime, anywhere, but they have the biggest hearts and they aren’t afraid to use them.  The night of my wreck, Steve and Lonnie both came to my rescue.  Then Steve loaned me his car to drive while he worked on Old Blue and Lonnie paid for it!  I know God works in mysterious ways and sometimes it’s hard to see the good for all the bad.  But God is making this very clear!  No mystery here!  I asked and He supplied!  So I had a concussion and a few bruises, nothing that won’t heal.  Sometimes God has to knock us around a little to get the job done.

 

 

 

Psalm 121:5-8 (NIV)

⁵ The Lord watches over you—
the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

⁷ The Lord will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
⁸ the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

As I was driving to work I couldn’t help but think of Danny and the 176,000+ miles he had put on this car.  Of all the places he had been in it.  Vacations we had taken in it.  The many miles he drove to work to Clifton Forge, VA!  How he complained about that drive!  Then after he moved to Smoot with only a 5 minute drive, he told me one day he actually missed that drive because he used that hour drive to and from work to talk to God.  That was a lot of his prayer time. 

I gripped the steering wheel and adjusted my seat the same way he did thousands of times!  I looked out over the dash the same way he did.  Seeing the same things he saw.  I try to see things the way he saw them.  And I have to say, I view them with more patience and a less critical or judgmental eye.

1 Peter 3:4 (NIV)

⁴ Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight

Danny was a gentle giant, with a quiet spirit.  God brings beauty from ashes every time!  So as I look at my car crash, I have so much to thank God for.  #1 for keeping me safe, #2 taking care of my financial needs, #3 allowing my brothers to let God work through them so that not only am I blessed, but they will be also, because they will reap what they sow!

Galatians 6:7 (NIV)

⁷ Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.

And lastly, I am thankful for the reminder of Danny’s travels in his little blue Subaru and the opportunity to take a few minutes to look at life as he did.  Had I not wrecked, Old Blue would still be on the sidelines and I would still be in a rush from here to there.  We get so busy in life that our prayer time suffers.  But I will forever be in prayer in my “Old Blue Subaru” as I sit in the tattered seats, gripping the steering wheel and looking out over the dash just as Danny did…and I can thank God for my trials because that is when the light, His light, shines the brightest. 

 

2 Corinthians 4:6-7 (NIV)

⁶ For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.

⁷ But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.

Sledding

Are we doing what God wants us to do?  Are we where He wants us to be?  How do we know?  I thought I was doing what He wanted; Going to church, working in the church, being a compassionate person and trying to help others.  I could feel Him telling me this way or that way.  I could hear Him!  I feel like I am in the center of His will but it doesn’t seem like I am getting anywhere.  It’s like the saying 2 steps forward and 1 step back.  I don’t really feel like I am going backwards but it feels like I am just stagnant. Sitting here doing what He tells me but I am not going anywhere.  I can tell you, I don’t like this feeling.  Is this where we “wait upon the Lord”?  I want to see miracles!  I want to know and feel that I am making a difference in the world!  I want to feel the hand of God on my life.  He is working things out for me, but do you ever get frustrated at how long it’s taking?  I sure do!  I am ready now!  I want to get on with life.   It’s so easy to get lost in memories and before I know it I am sucked into “why?  What was the point?”  I have many ghosts in my house!  It’s a big scary lonely place.  Even when it’s full of people, it’s big and lonely!  Or maybe it’s just me that’s full of ghosts and lonely.  I have friends and I can call them night or day, and I do!  But the loneliness almost is unexplainable.  It goes all the way to the soul.  So I do what the Bible says.

Jeremiah 29:13 (ESV)

¹³ You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.

My heart feels empty sometimes. Even knowing all I know about Jesus and His love for me, I still feel empty!  Sometimes!

 Apparently God is trying to teach me a lesson, yes another one!

James 1:2-3 (NIV)

Trials and Temptations

² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance

He gives me this verse as a warning.  He is telling me to buckle up because it’s going to be a bumpy ride.  Things are coming my way; maybe not so pleasant things.  All different kinds of trials.  Sunday night as I read this verse I could just feel the Holy Spirit saying, “You know it’s coming, wait for it, wait for it!”  Then BAM!  So He does give me warning, which I have to say, in my life, I am beginning to expect the worse at every turn.  But I do learn valuable lessons through it.  And it only takes one time…lesson learned. 

1 Peter 4:10 (NIV)

¹⁰ Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms

I am fortunate to have many friends, many spiritual friends that listen to God and the Holy Spirit.  They use their gifts and I am blessed by them. He tells me things through them as well.  So to all my friends, thank you!  Thank you for allowing the Holy Spirit to work through you.  And thank you for taking what God has given you and running with it.  Using it!  Sometimes it’s just one word that makes a difference.

James 1:22 (NIV)

²² Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.

We have to do more than listen, opening our ears, we must DO!  With our heart, our hands and feet!  And in doing the things the Bible says, we also get this warning.

James 1:19 (NIV)

Listening and Doing

¹⁹ My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,

With the warning on Sunday, that yes, many trials were coming my way, I have to say, I was prepared.  I prayed before I went to bed, when I got up, even during the night.  At work- all day!  So I was not surprised.  And I thanked God!  For the warning and the trial.  But how easy it would’ve been to not look at it as a lesson learned.  So easy to get angry and create a “hazardous” atmosphere.  So I listened and I did speak-I mean really?  Y’all know me!  But that anger thing, the old me would’ve become very angry but because I have Jesus and He lives in me I let Him war it out for me!  So today, this morning as I look out my window and see the fresh white snow falling all around, I am thankful!  Thankful for God’s grace and how it pours down on me just when I need it, just as the snow falls!  I am thankful for His hand in my life, and on my mouth, warning me of the many trials that are coming but also thankful that He has given His word, the Bible, to handle whatever comes my way.

In the Bible Paul encourages Timothy not to give up, second guess his calling, or let anyone look down on him because he is young. 

1 Timothy 4:12 (NIV)

¹² Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.

According to Paul, Timothy is God’s man for the job, and God will be with him no matter how difficult that job may get.  It’s the same way with us.  God has given each one of us a job.  We have to sometimes, “wait for it, wait for it-----then BAM!”  We are gonna say, Oh yeah, I get it.  And no matter what comes our way, He will go with us.  He has equipped us to do what He wants us to do, so do IT!  Don’t disappoint Him.  Step out on Faith.  Imagine a fresh field of snow blanketing the ground.  You head up the hill with sled in hand.  You reach the top and all you see for miles are hills and valleys-up and down-you get on your sled.  One foot over the sled and you sit, you are ready to push off and go down that first hill.  That’s just like faith.  We are ready to push off and go down that first hill.  There are going to be many ups and downs, but just like with the sled, you may have to get off and pull or push through an occasional valley and up the hill.  But the ride down, my friend, is what makes it all worth it!

Today as you watch the snow, if you are young enough, and crazy enough, get out and take your sled down a hill!  But just remember you will have to pull it back up just to do it all over again.

1 John 4:13-15 (NIV)

¹³ This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. ¹⁴ And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. ¹⁵ If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God.

Luke 6:35 (ESV)

³⁵ But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil.

Run to me....God

How many of you have experienced getting into trouble as a child?  Or maybe you were afraid of something?  Were you able to run into the arms of your mom?  Or maybe it was your Dad?  But whoever it was, you ran without fear.  You ran knowing that those arms would be stretched out wide for you.  No matter what you did or what was chasing you.  You had a safe place to go!  There is a song that is stuck in my head that goes like this:

Take Me To The King

Verse 1:
Truth is I’m tired Options are few
I’m trying to pray But where are you?
I’m all churched out Hurt and abused
I can’t fake what’s left to do?

Truth is I’m weak No strength to fight
No tears to cry Even if I tried
But still my soul Refuses to die
One touch-will change-my life

Chorus:
Take Me To The king I don’t have much to bring
My hearts torn into pieces Its my offering

Lay me at the throne Leave me there alone
To gaze upon Your glory And sing to You this song
Please Take Me To The king

Verse 2:
Truth is its time To stop playing these games
We need a word For the peoples pain

So Lord speak right now Let it fall like rain
We're desperate We're chasing after you

Bridge:
No rules, no religion I’ve made my decision
To run to You The healer that I need

Chorus:
Lord were in the way We keep making mistakes
Glory is not for us Its all for You

Take Me to the King

 

Lamentations 3:22-23 (ESV)

²² The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;^[a]
his mercies never come to an end;
²³ they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

As I sing this song in my head I just imagine running into the arms of my heavenly father! I am hurting, I’m scared and I definitely feel like something is chasing me!  Mainly the devil.  He is always hot on my trail.  As soon as I get one obstacle out of the way, here that devil is again trying to bring me down.  So I sing this song, “Take Me to the King” and right here, right now, I have nothing to offer Him.  I have a heart that is broken and torn apart.  It seems so little!  I beg, take me to the King!  He can have my heart, whatever shape it is in.  It’s all His!

Ezekiel 34:16 (NLV)

¹⁶ “I will look for the lost, bring back those that have gone away, help those who have been hurt, and give strength to the sick. But I will destroy the fat and the strong. I will feed them with punishment

Take me to the King!  What will He do?  He will restore us!

Joshua 1:9 (NIV)

⁹ Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

I would love to just run into those arms.  I know all my crazy life would make sense then.  All my tears will be wiped away.  All of my brokenness will be made new.  I will be whole.  So why does He tarry?  When we are all such a hurting race of people?  We all have big heartaches.  What are you waiting for God?  We’re ready to go!  He is so patient.  He wants to give every last one of us that opportunity to be made whole.  He doesn’t want anyone to perish.  So He waits.  He waits for us to get a clue!  Wake up folks!  Time is ticking!  Our world is in such a mess.  Jesus Christ is our only answer!    So until that day arrives for us…..we wait.

Philippians 4:7 (NIV)

⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

And while we wait, we reach out to others that are broken and bruised.  If we have been hurt, broken, and if God has held us up with His hand we have to help our neighbor going through that same valley; just as Christ helped us.  We have to show them the way.

Psalm 27:14 (NIV)

¹⁴ Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NIV)

Praise to the God of All Comfort

³ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

Let us each reach out like Jesus did to make our last days full of spiritual growth, joy and fulfillment.   We have to take our pain and help others that are in pain.  We go from being comforted to being the comforter.

Luke 8:39 (NIV)

³⁹ “Return home and tell how much God has done for you.” So the man went away and told all over town how much Jesus had done for him

We have to get out there!  We can’t sit in our comfort zone and help anyone!  We have to connect; mentally, emotionally, and physically.  Be that someone that a friend or even stranger needs to grab hold of.  God will bless you!

Luke 6:38 (NIV)

³⁸ Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

Every time I tell a cancer patient how God has worked in my life since Danny died, I see hope in their eyes!  And when I see that hope in their eyes, my heart heals just a little bit more.  The big gaping crack in my heart closes ever so slightly.  That’s what God can do!  So from my pain I help someone else and that in turn, helps me.  It gives me hope!  I am giving, and He is giving back to me!  We all know brokenness, and thanks to our generous Father in Heaven, we all are blessed.

You always have a place to run to, always.  The place is God!

Dreams

I am not a dreamer, but I dream. I am not a fighter, but I fight. I am not a teacher, yet I teach. I am not a singer, but I sing. Whatever God gives us to work with that is what we do. I have always sung. I remember pumping that old organ at Grassy Meadows and singing “Remind Me”. God has given me that ability to put a few notes together and make a joyful noise so I do. I have always taught Sunday school and VBS, but I am not a teacher. I fight for what’s right, for what’s good; but I am not a fighter. And lastly I dream, rarely, but I am not a dreamer! I do not sit around and dream of what will be what will come! But I do dream. And when I dream, they come from God. I have only dreamed of Danny twice since he died. I want to dream it’s just I don’t. The first time I dreamed about him he was standing in our bedroom doorway with his WV hat on waving at me as if to tell me goodbye. I liked that dream. The next dream, not so good. He was in a hospital bed and in terrible pain. He had a morphine pump but nothing was controlling the pain. I couldn’t control his pain. No matter how much I gave him, nothing. I remember trying to wake up but I was trapped in that nightmare; Helpless, not able to help him with his pain. The one thing I did do for his pain was to pray. And if that meant take him on to heaven then that’s what I prayed.

More recently I have asked God for dreams to show me my life. He never fails me so a few months ago, once again I was frustrated and praying so I ask God to show me my life. Just give me a dream so I can see what’s ahead for me! So that night when I went to bed, I knew I would get a dream. I could feel it. So the next morning I got up and tried to remember my dream. Yes, I had one and I saw the beginning which was now! But the life that followed, my life- was so fast! It was like a cartoon flip book in high year! So once again I say, “really, God?! You could’ve slowed it down”. I think He just does this stuff because He can. After all He is God. So I left it alone, minded my own business. Then my life started falling apart. Roads and avenues I didn’t understand were lying before me. Sometimes I felt like I was taking the wrong road so I would go a ways, stop, turn around and come back. Regroup and start again. As my life makes no sense to me I cried out again! Okay God, I just want the end, my end. Last frame of where I am supposed to be. Not my death bed! I know I am going to die sometime. So once again I asked for a dream- He delivered. Oh boy, He delivered. I was I am guessing mid 60s. I am in good health I am in a kitchen similar to my Moms. There is a rocking chair and I have lots of grand children. And lots of love! I am rocking babies and telling stories to the older grandkids. They sit at my feet. My hair is up, reminds me of mommy, but there is NO gray! Praise God for that! The stories I am telling are the accounts of my life when I obey God. When He would tell me to do something and I didn’t question it. I just went and did whatever he asked. That’s what seemed so important in my dream. That I pass on to the next generation what my Mom passed on to me! I can remember her telling me her stories of how God would work in her life. I didn’t understand it, till now, but I believed her because she had a relationship with Christ that most people only dreamed of. I have that relationship and yes, it is one made of dreams, visions, soft whispers, sometimes hard knocks but no matter what He holds me in the palm of His hand and there is nothing that can change that!

Isaiah 49:16

I have written your name on the palms of my hands

I think of this tattoo I have on my finger for Danny, it is permanent but yet I have to go get it touched up. It will fade! Our names on the hand of Jesus will never fade. They never have to get touched up. We just have to keep the faith, stay in his favor, seek his face, and let Him take all our troubles away.

After my car wreck on Thursday, a week ago, things are quite fuzzy for me! I am confused, disoriented, and unsure of what I am doing for fear of making a mistake. But in other ways things are clearer. I know I am right where God wants me, doing what He wants me to do. He crashed me for a reason and I have to give Him time to work it out. So in the mean time I go around confused in the things of the world, trying to get my thoughts together asking for a lot of help! But one thing I am not confused about is that Jesus loves me and He has a plan for my life. This is just a part of the plan; A piece of the puzzle. The part that went by so fast I couldn’t see. So back to my end! I do have all my family around me! And yes, I even get married again in My END that God showed me! So no matter what happens I know I’ll be OK. It’s this time in between we have to get through. Make the right choices. The choices that are God’s will. That’s why it is so important to let Him lead us. He wants to give us the best. But we have to say, “OK how can I help?” “What do you require of me?” If He says crash, you can’t say, but I don’t want to! You have to hold on to the knowledge that He knows all, sees all, IS all and He will take care of you! I have regretted asking to see my end, because now I am consumed with “when”? So take it from me, God has a plan for your life. Don’t get over anxious and ask to see the end, because chances are He will show you. We are just never satisfied. We always want more. Take each day He gives you as a blessing and a piece of the puzzle, His master plan for your life. Don’t ask for the end, just trust in Him and you know your end will be great! Because He goes before you, He has already been there! As for me, it’s too late, I know my end! It’s good, but I am always wondering when? How? What next?

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Be Still Kari Jobe w/ lyrics

Be still my soul. Is that a request? A command? A plea? Are we begging? How do we quiet it down? It’s so easy to be in turmoil. When life goes up and down- the valley, the mountain, the valley the mountain; it is a vicious cycle.

Psalm 37:7 (NIV)

⁷ Be still before the Lord
and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,when they carry out their wicked schemes

“We cannot talk to God unless we walk with Him when we are not talking” Oswald Chambers

So there again, we have to be still! When we are still we hear the voice of God. That is how He calms our soul.

Job 6:24(NIV)

²⁴ “Teach me, and I will be quiet;
show me where I have been wrong.

If we go to Him, we will find our rest. How many times have I cried out to Him just to calm me? Too many to count!

Isaiah 32:17 (NIV)

¹⁷ The fruit of that righteousness will be peace;
its effect will be quietness and confidence forever.

Every time I cry that’s what I ask. And He always comes through for me! He calms the storms; He calms the waves that crash around me! When I am desperate and not sure which way to go, He shows me! But I have to be quiet long enough to hear. It’s hard to be still, it’s hard to be patient. We have to place our life in his hand. That’s where we will find peace.

John 14:27 (NIV)

²⁷ Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

The only way that we get through this crazy life is to trust in Him. Trust that He knows what’s best for us. Because we surely don’t! That’s obvious by the choices we make on a daily basis. We choose what we want! Choices that we think will benefit us and often no thought to anyone else. But God has the whole picture; the beginning-the middle-the end. That’s where most of us are-the middle. I know that’s where I am; the time in between. I know how my story ends. It’s this time in between that is killing me! I know He has a plan but can I be still enough to hear what it is? Do I have the patience not to jump in and try to do it my way? I don’t think so! I get tired of being patient. I even get tired of being still.

Exodus 14:14 (NIV)

¹⁴ The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

So He crashes me, slows me down so I don’t have a choice but to listen and hear and be patient. It would’ve been much better to just go slow and learn this thing of patience little by little bit by bit.

Oh what peace we often forfeit

Oh what needless pain we bear

All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer

Take it to Him so we don’t have all this pain. Let Him work it out. Then He will give it back to us as a blessing. Still. Patient. Quiet. Sounds so easy, yet we always do the same thing. Try to fix it on our own. I have a terrible time of keeping my vision in sight. I want Him to be my vision! I want to keep Him forever in my sights! As I wander through this life, O Lord, be thou near to me! Stay by my side. So I can feel you! That’s my prayer. I don’t care what comes my way as long as you are there! But I have to “feel” you here with me. Otherwise I am hopeless and helpless. And if I have no hope-I have nothing!

Psalm 62:5 (NIV)

⁵ Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
my hope comes from him.

So join me. Let’s get quiet. Let’s be still. Let’s be patient! None of us will have to do it alone. He walks beside us. He holds our hand and our hearts. He knows each of our stories, He knows our hearts. Nothing will shock Him! He is a loving and patient God.

Psalm 46:10 (NIV)

¹⁰ He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,I will be exalted in the earth.”

Let’s cozy up with Jesus. Let’s get to know him in a really personal way. Pull out your blankie and find your favorite resting spot. Get a cup of coffee or tea or even a diet Coke and then invite Jesus there with you and I assure you there will be miracles. There will be peace. And there will be hope!

Job 22:21

Acquaint now thyself with Him, and be at peace; thereby good shall come unto thee.

Crash

Crash

No matter what may come my way, my life is in your hands.

I know that I can make it; I know that I can stand.

With Jesus I can make it, my life is in your hands.

That song has so much more meaning to me today than it did last week.

I have pondered whether I should share this story. Over and over it goes in my head. So today as it was going round and round like the hamster in the wheel, God said, yes! Now is the time. Tell it.

About a month ago I was driving on my way to work. The roads were terrible. It had rained with ice and snow, but we had school/work anyway. As I was driving, God speaks to me and said, “Can I use you?” So of course I said yes! Then He said “Can I use you in a car accident?” Can I crash you if it is to help a friend?

John 15:13 (NIV)

13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends



So I barely hesitated, because He has already showed me my end. I live a long life. So of course I say yes. Use me.

Galatians 5:25 (NIV)

25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit

So I brace myself because our conversation was so real. I knew it was coming. I even called a friend and told her if she heard I was in a wreck not to worry. I would be OK. So I made it to work all in one piece! A friend reminded me of the story of Abraham and Isaac and the sacrifice. Maybe God was just doing that to test me, to see if I really would do it. So a couple weeks ago I was coming home from work. It had been a very trying day. You see with my new job I have to look in the faces of cancer patients or their loved ones on a daily basis. This particular day was no different. I was feeling pretty defeated. Helpless to help anyone! I ask God many times, “why”? I know I must have unresolved issues that He is bound and determined to get out of me. I know that’s one. There are more. So on this day as I was driving home, I hear that still small voice say, “Remember when you said I could use you? Well here’s the perfect place. Just drive yourself right over the mountain.” Well I did consider it, but only for a second. I did question God. I said, “Really? You are going to make me do it?” Well I didn’t drive off that mountain. The next day I recognized that voice as the devil. I know God wouldn’t tell me to do it. He would do it! He already asked me if He could. But just between you and me, those two voices in my head? They sound a lot alike. A friend told me once that the way you can tell the two apart is to ask, does it honor God?

1 Peter 5:8 (NIV)

8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

So I wondered, how would that honor God? It wouldn’t! That would just bring pain and confusion! Lord knows I don’t need any of that! So Thursday as I left work, I had been hurting all day, the old polymyocitis beginning to flare up so I stopped at Rite-Aid and bought a bottle of Motrin. I went ahead and took a dose. Bought a diet Coke and left the lid off so I could “drink and drive”. Halfway home as I made the curve coming over Crag road I edged over to the side on this one lane road, just in case I met a car. The ground was soft and it sucked my back wheel down and it jumped across the ditch and hit the side then did a 180 and slammed me in to the bank. Both air bags came out on the side but not the front~ Thank God! The whole time I was being thrown around I could hear God say, “It’s all gonna be Ok, it’s gonna be OK!” I felt Him there with me and I wasn’t afraid. It was like riding a roller coaster. I shut my eyes and waited for it to end. I kept thinking this is the time. This is it. This is the wreck you asked me about. So after I crashed I was stunned. My head hurt so bad I couldn’t think. But I felt around on myself, everything was intact, no blood. My glasses flew off along with my phone and diet Coke. So before I turned off the engine I did have enough wits to thank God for taking care of me!

Then He started sending His angels to take care of me. Brenda Bryant, someone I went to school with appeared first. Then Jeremy Willis, then Mandy Bryant. All people I knew. God was really taking care of me! He first gave me a dose of Motrin before it even happened then He sends me angels I know!

Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)

10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I have no doubt God had his hand all over that situation and every situation in my life, every situation in your life too. He will take this and work something good from it. I don’t know who is in my path from day to day that will need to hear that God delivered me, but I know that’s what I have to tell. This wasn’t an accident, this was God. He asked me, I said yes, and He did it. All in his time. And that is how the outcome will be as well. In his time. Maybe there is someone out there that doesn’t believe in miracles. Or they don’t have enough faith to let God use them. It’s very easy to say no, pick someone else. But if he calls you to it, he will equip you! And if that means crashing into a bank, then do it! You will receive a blessing from it! I have been amazed at the outpour of love and concern for me! I mean after all there are so many that are so much worse off. I went to work the next day, granted I shouldn’t have! I made mistakes, my brain was fuzzy, and I was confused! But with the grace of God and help from my co-workers I didn’t kill anyone I know of that is! Just kidding! God takes care of us every day. The little things we take for granted? That’s God! This morning as I lay in bed my head was spinning around and around; once again that hamster on the wheel. And when I opened my eyes the room was spinning and I had this very nauseated feeling and then it stopped. So I am thinking concussion?! But I don’t remember hitting my head, but then again, confusion. I went on to church and was blessed over and over. God is so good! My prayer for you all this Sunday afternoon is that you, every one of you, find someone that you love, tell them you love them, hold them tight and don’t let them go! Hold them in your heart, because life is too short for unspoken words! Age doesn’t matter. Whatever you are 10, 40, 80 or even 100, if you have something to say, SAY it! Even if you think it’s gonna hurt, get it out and let God deal with it. Chances are everything will be OK! That’s my pastor’s favorite thing to tell you. It’ll all be OK! And in the end, he is right! No matter what we are going through here when Jesus comes back it’ll all be OK. But first you have to CRASH into Jesus, just like I crashed my car! He will wake you up. You might be a little sore after crashing, because He will clean you up and sometimes that hurts. But trust me it’s worth it all to know that your end, my end, THE end, will all be OK! We are going to Heaven, some before others, but we are all gonna get there. And if we have to take a hard knock here and there, it’s OK because He goes with us!

Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV)

17 The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”

He was with me when Danny died. He was with me the many long, hard, empty, lonely days since he died and yes, He was with me Thursday night when I crashed. He is always faithful and always taking care of me. So undeserving but He does it anyway. For that I am thankful! Let Him go with you too, that’s the only way we make it. Together.

1 Peter 5:10-11 (NIV)

10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11 To him be the power forever and ever. Amen.