Familiar

Familiar

I have asked this question many times.  When you pray do you expect an answer?  Do you act surprised when you get what you ask for?  I am neither surprised that He is answering my prayer or that He is giving me what I asked!  But I guess I am surprised that it is coming so quickly.  I asked to “feel” Danny’s presence, which I did.  Christmas Day!  But as God so often does, He goes beyond that!  Beyond what we could imagine.

Ephesians 3:20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.

As I write these words, I am searching for answers.  I don’t know what the answer is but I am hoping by the time I finish writing this, there will be a revelation.

When Teresa and Steve found Danny's bible it brought back so many memories.  But not only memories!  If I let my imagination take me to a little boy about 11 years old who just had open heart surgery and was facing the scariest thing he had ever known, I imagine all kinds of things.  I see him holding that bible in his hands and reading the same passages that I read.  Wondering, God, why did you save my life when there are so many others?  What could you do with this life of a little boy?

Proverbs 3:6  Seek his will in all you do and he will show you which path to take

I imagine he read and re-read this verse while trying to find the will of God for his life.  Danny’s faith often sustained me and carried me over many hurdles.  Not until these last 2 years have I had to find my own faith.  I don’t like how I got here, but the view is wonderful, seeing all he had done for me and is doing and I know his promises for me, so I know He holds my future in His hands.  I am sure Danny must’ve read my favorite verse, Jeremiah 29:11, many times as he searched this little bible looking for the answers.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, saith the Lord, plans not to harm you but for a hope and a future

As I fingered the pages, the same pages Danny fingered, I searched each page for answers.  And there nestled snugly in between the verses are marks upon the pages.  Marks that highlight scripture that was special to him.  Words that answered his questions.  Words that spoke to his heart perhaps 40 years ago in answer to his questions are now highlighted to answer my questions.  God, what are you trying to tell me?  What is Danny trying to tell me?

Romans 1:11  For I long to see you, that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to strengthen you

Luke 2:40  And the child grew and became strong, filled with wisdom and the favor of God was upon him.

As God gives me words to write, they come at the oddest of times.  Sometimes it is only a sentence at a time.  Often only a word!  And they may be days apart.  So a note that starts one day may end a couple weeks later.  Today as I write, it just so happens that I am at church; just came to talk to Jesus.   I can talk to him anywhere but sometimes I can hear him better there.  I am trying to listen with my ears, my eyes, my soul.  This morning after I woke up I began to pray and as I did I felt a presence in my room.  It was such a strong feeling that I opened my eyes to see if it was one of the kids.  I don’t know how to describe it but it wasn’t a physical thing that I could see.  After I was sure it wasn’t “somebody” I resumed my prayers and it was gone when I finished praying.  I don’t believe it was an angel…I believe it was Danny.  I have felt and “seen” his presence once before.  That time I was grieving and nothing could comfort me…but that did.  I haven’t had an experience since then like that.  This morning it wasn’t to comfort it was a familiar presence.  Yet it was a comfortable presence.  Almost like I had invited a friend over for tea.  A friend that felt at home enough to come on in and sit on the edge of the bed.  Danny was a perfectionist.  If you have seen any of his woodworking projects you know he pays attention to details.  He doesn’t cut corners, or he didn’t, I guess I should say.  So I am a little confused but not surprised by what I write next.  When I saw him this morning, he had a 6’ level with him.   A couple of weeks ago I had the pleasure of sharing some of his beloved tools with a friend who takes as much pride in his work as Danny did.  While he was going through my garage, hanging above the garage door was a 6’ level.  To my knowledge I never saw him use that.  Tanner who was there as well, said the same thing. So this was an easy item to part with.  No matter what he was hanging or building, he made sure it was square and level.  He not only had one of these kind of tools but multiple ones.  So in my mind, and my heart, if he comes to visit me why would it surprise me if he brought a level?  No surprise but confusion.  And once again I am trying to put these pieces together to get an answer. So here I sit at the foot of the cross, literally I sit at the foot of the cross at my church trying to figure this out.  I ask God what does this mean?  So back to that little bible that Danny held in his hands and I have opened it and here is the verse that speaks to me.  

Proverbs 147:3  He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds

My, O my, how many times I have read that not only for me, but also quoted it to friends that have lost loved ones.

Proverbs 9:1a Wisdom hath builded her house.

And to build a house you would use a level!  As I search his bible, scriptures are popping out at me as if I can hear Danny say them!  I know the level has meaning but what?  I opened the pages as if God was guiding my hand.  It fell upon this scripture. As I read it I thought this is it.  It speaks of weights and measures.

Leviticus 19:35-36 (KJV)

35 Ye shall do no unrighteousness in judgment, in meteyard, in weight, or in measure.

36 Just balances, just weights, a just ephah, and a just hin, shall ye have: I am the Lord your God, which brought you out of the land of Egypt.

But then as I scanned the page this verse caught my attention because as I described that presence as being familiar, this verse was speaking of familiar spirits.  

Leviticus 19:31(KJV)

31 Regard not them that have familiar spirits, neither seek after wizards, to be defiled by them: I am the Lord your God.

Isaiah 8:19 (KJV)

19 And when they shall say unto you, Seek unto them that have familiar spirits, and unto wizards that peep, and that mutter: should not a people seek unto their God? for the living to the dead?

As I read, it led me from verse to verse about those familiar spirits.  I won’t lie, the more I read, it made the hair stand up on the back of my neck.  I was at church and my phone was dead so I came home and do what I always do when I need an answer, besides pray and read the bible, I googled it.  And there on google were 2,720,000 pages devoted to familiar spirits.  As I read and re-read each page they all confirmed what I knew in my gut.  Right there in Merriam-Webster dictionary; familiar spirit is a demon that serves or prompts an individual.

I don’t want to bring Danny back, don’t get me wrong, I want to be with him, but not here in this broken world, where people hurt people, neighbors killing neighbors, brothers hating brothers.  I want us to be together in Heaven and one day that will happen.  So if I can occasionally feel his presence here on earth just to help guide my footsteps is that wrong?  Well the longer and more I read that last statement, Danny guide my footsteps, I knew I was turning to the wrong one.  Truth be known and this is anyone that knows me, I never listened to Danny while he was here on earth.  He would tell me something and I would do the exact opposite.  I tend to believe I inherited that from the Treadway's but Daddy always said we were hard headed like Mommy!  I would take that as a compliment!  Hard headed for Jesus, that would make a good bracelet!  I know I need to ask the Holy Spirit to guide my life.  But there is something that feels right when 2 people have a vision in life not only for your path but for your children's path.  So when one is taken and the other is left its’s easy to lose your way.  So I often ask myself, if Danny were here what would he say.  What would he do in this situation.  And that is exactly what I have done up until Christmas. As time has passed I pull out my memories and pictures and there is a part of me that is afraid I am going to forget him.  I am afraid I will forget his touch, his smile, his smell, his eyes, his wisdom, his spirit.  So I guess around Christmas I changed my thoughts asking what would he do or say to I want to hear from him to help me make these decisions, instead of turning it over to God.

How many believe the devil is real?  I have seen evil.  I have felt evil.  When I did, I knew it for what it was and I removed myself.  I can’t say that I have ever felt in danger from this.  I was trying to remember sermons I have heard as a child growing up.   Sermons like repent or die and go to hell.  Well I didn’t want to go to hell so I was scared to death and went right away to that altar.  Then later the sermons are all about Gods love.  He loves you no matter what you do.  He is always there for you and He IS!  Don’t get me wrong both types of sermons are great.  But somewhere along the way I have missed sermons about the devil and his little demons that are as real as the Holy Spirit.  And if you have never experienced the Holy Spirit all I can say is I’m sorry.  Unfortunately you have never until you experience something so devastating that you have no one to turn to except for Jesus.  Then my friend, you won’t let that spirit go.  You will call upon Him for every decision, even wardrobe issues!

The one thing that nagged me about this whole presence thing is that I felt confused.  Yes it felt familiar, comfortable even,like Danny but as I prayed about this I felt one thing, confusion.  I didn’t feel peace, again, familiar and comfortable, but no peace…just confusion.

1 Corinthians 14:33King James Version (KJV)

33 For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints.

When I opened my eyes and “saw” this presence in my bedroom it startled me at first then, the best way to describe it, is it was almost sneaking.  Only then, after I saw the familiar tool did it feel comfortable.

In my walk with Jesus, my christian walk, it has been very uneventful, well up until the last 2 years.  37 years I have walked…and He has walked with me.  In the beginning it was like any relationship; fresh, new, exciting.  Then as I got busy with life, marriage, work, children, I began to do Him just like we as humans do each other.  I took Him for granted.  Never called upon Him unless I needed something.   Not that I am proud of it, but truthful.  And just like our human relationships, we didn’t grow together.  He never left me, we just didn’t walk as close.  Danny was always there for me; my comforter, my advisor, my best friend, my rock and my strength, my protector, he was my heart.  But Jesus walked with us, it’s just that I rarely had to call upon Him in that capacity.   And as I hold his bible in my hands, that same bible that he held in his not once but twice as he faced death not knowing what God had planned for him, I know where he had to get his strength.  Jesus was his comforter, his rock and strength, his best friend, his advisor.  In all of our life together I remember him telling me so many details of his life, illnesses, surgeries  but I don’t remember him ever telling me what it was like in his darkest hour.  How alone he must’ve felt and how he had no one to turn to but God.   He was always very independent.  Always worked things out by himself or rather he worked it out with God before he ever brought it to me.  I would draw my strength from him and he was getting his from God, his strong tower!  The same as when I went to Mommy with problems.  She drew her strength from Jesus I drew my strength from her.  For the last 2 years I have been learning a whole new way of life, in every aspect.  From ordinary day to day tasks to trying to figure out my faith and relationship with Christ.  The things that the Holy Spirit wants to show us all amazes me every time.  If you are a born again christian then all you have to do is believe and have faith and he will show you great and wondrous things.

Ephesians 3:9(KJV)

9 And to make all men see what is the fellowship of the mystery, which from the beginning of the world hath been hid in God, who created all things by Jesus Christ:

Mystery.  I don’t even know how to define that word.  But in Danny's bible this verse is marked.

Life is mysterious.  Death is mysterious.  Something about the unknown that attracts the interest of others.  Is that why so many “dabble” in the dark arts or witchcraft?  So many think of it as innocent or not real.  But I am here to tell you, Saturday morning as I saw that presence and then later that night when I realized what it was, I was never so afraid.  It wasn’t a physical fear but a deep soul searching fear.  I was more afraid right then than I was the day I discovered someone had broken into my home.  I am sure had I been there and looked them in the face I would have seen evil.  But this was evil in its raw form, “seeking whom he may devour, wandering to and fro”.

1 Peter 5:8(KJV)

8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:

Instead of a roaring lion it reminded me of a sneak attack, skulking around hoping to not get caught. Anything in our lives that is sinful you will notice you try to sneak around and do it.  You hide it.  Thats because it is of the devil. Trust me if God gives you something it will be good and perfect and you will want to shout it from the roof tops.  Just look at when a new baby comes into the world.  That is the greatest little miracle I can think of and everyone wants to tell of Gods great gift to them.  They point out every little perfect detail, even down to the fingers and toes.  From the moment that miracle in conceived, that precious baby is perfect.  Even if on the outside we may  perceive imperfections, God has plans for every little finger, every little toe, every little hair…God created you and me for a purpose!  Sometimes that purpose isn’t so obvious to us.  Others can see our purpose more easily than we can.  “Stuff” gets in our way, our vision becomes cloudy, the road we thought was perfect for us, maybe we even thought it was Gods plan for us, that road becomes blocked or becomes hard to travel, so we often cry out in despair.

Psalm 22:1(KJV)

22 My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? why art thou so far from helping me, and from the words of my roaring?

He never forsakes us.  Never.  I opened Danny's little bible today at random  and as I look at the scripture it fell upon I am reminded that nothing is random with God.  Just like us, everything has a purpose.  

Psalm 23(KJV)

23 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

The 23rd Psalm is the scripture that brings my memories alive today.  I am sure Danny thought the road he traveled had meaning and purpose, but at times he must’ve questioned it although I never knew it if he did.  I do know he became weary.  The Thursday night he climbed into bed before he died on Friday, was one of those times.  He rarely told me he was afraid, but this night he was afraid and the fear came from his inability to recall that scripture.  He told me he couldn’t remember how to start it and it was his comfort scripture.  He was walking in the valley of the shadow of death and he was there in those shadows and he needed to know that God was there with him.  I started it and he joined me saying the words and I could see the peace that came across his face.  So I know he doesn’t forsake us.  As I remember that night now, his fear left him, he had to sit up in bed to breathe, but he slept.  He was comforted.  

Hebrews 9:27 (KJV)

27 And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment:

He is there in our every moments!  Moments we don’t think He cares or moments that don’t seem like they have purpose.  But they do!  Our weak moments, our scared moments, our sad moments, our happy moments.  We breathe in and out, in and out, God is there.  The Holy Spirit is with us even when we are walking in the valley of the shadow of death.  For no matter what evil shadows us, we are always in the shadow of our Heavenly Father.  Sometimes, like on Saturday night, as I wrote about the evil I have no doubt was sneaking around; I was sitting in the the shadow of the cross.  The only way I know to get rid of shadows is to add light.  Jesus is that light.  He is the brightest light any of us have.  It doesn’t have a battery, no solar panel, no plug in to power.  All you have to do is call upon Him and He is there.

Matthew 5:14 (KJV)

14 Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.

We kind of run on a generator type source of power.  We are fueled by Jesus Christ.  That Holy Spirit fills us up til we run over lighting up the world one good deed at a time.  No matter what the devil throws at us, we can overcome it.  The devil may come at us disguised as a friend, maybe even someone in your congregation, or perhaps a little more recognizable in the face of your enemy.  He may throw up roadblocks along your christian walk.  He will stop at nothing to throw(steer) you off course; drugs, alcohol, lies, deceit, addictions, anything to take your eyes off of christ, sometimes it only takes a whisper.  Or maybe like me, he will take your fondest memory of the one you loved the most and distort everything until you know and feel nothing but confusion.  Just because something feels or looks familiar, comfortable, doesn't mean it is right.  The one thing I have learned, I guess my revelation, in all this encounter is to pray about it, search out the bible for the answers.   Go to God first and foremost for the answers.  Don’t ask your best friend, don’t ask your spouse, dead or alive, don’t even ask your pastor or deacon.  Go to God in prayer, take your confusion, your questions, your dreams; He will give you the answers!  Just like He guided my hands on the pages of Danny’s little bible, He will answer all your questions.  Let Him be your “familiar”!

Hebrews 4:12 (KJV)

12 For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

The Word is alive!

Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

To Struggle or Snuggle?

"I want you to be all Mine. I am weaning you from other dependencies. Your security rests in Me alone; not in other people, not in circumstances... I am always before you, beckoning you on - one step at a time." (22)
When God is in the process of "weaning"us from "all other dependencies" it can seem quite uncomfortable. It reminds me of "weaning" a child from a pacifier. These are the times when we, like small children, feel most vulnerable and insecure. We tend to struggle with being detached from the comfortable and the most familiar.
Specifically, because I tend to be more relational, it has been quite painful to be "weaned" from certain relationships or environments, not because they were bad, but because I had become so attached. The struggle actually became an opportunity for personal growth and insight.
In retrospect, I can see how a God-crafted, risk-laden adventure helped me to shake off a kind of lethargic, comfortable season in my spiritual walk. Thus, I've had to be "more" dependent upon God and less dependent on others. So, I'm learning to change my struggle into a snuggle...with God!
My friend, Melissa, shared the following, which was so insightful I wanted to include it...
She said..."I liked the commentary for Deuteronomy 33:27 in my bible. It says "No storm can destroy us when we take refuge in him. Those without God, however, must be forever cautious". There have been times I was scared of change or even to be bold for God because of "what might happen", but Romans 8:39 gives us the promise that nothing will be able to separate us from His love! So if we live for God what can happen? Obviously my world doesn’t come crumbling down when changes occur or even when I step out of my comfort zone. In fact, I am closer to God in the process because I am leaning on His everlasting arms! Psalm 18:30 "As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him."
How true...Thanks, Melissa!
I am learning daily that my "security rests in Him alone; not in other people, not in circumstances." In the midst of all this, I deeply desire for God to be more and more glorified in more and more dimensions of my life this year. So, rather than struggling with God, I choose to...
Snuggle in Tight...dmc

Choosing sides

In life, probably more so now than ever, we are asked to pick sides or teams. As humans, it's programmed in us to want to be on the right side, or the winning team, whichever the case may be. But choosing however, can be confusing, deceptive,or rewarding, and even life altering. The right decisions aren't always crystal clear and our information can be tainted and/or misleading. Making the right decisions can truly test our morals, integrity, and values as a person. 

I'm reminded of two foes in the bible; David and Goliath. A huge giant( Goliath) against a mere boy( David ). If that's all we knew about them, then when it came right down to it, we would choose Goliath for our own team. And I'm not talking about a battle of life and death even... How about tug-of-war? Most people would choose the giant over a boy 9 out of 10 times if being honest. And that is precisely what satan wants!! To be the "giant" in our lives. To choose him over God. 

David trusted in God with all his heart and wasn't swayed or intimated by the size of Goliath. That young man knew the Lord was by his side and that alone put David on the winning team. For He is the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end, the Almighty! Rev. 1:8

So. No matter how big or small of a choice or decision in life we are faced with, ask the Lord to be a part of it. If you love and trust in Him with all your heart, you will always be on the right side and the winning team!

No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses,so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. Joshua 1:5

Clayton Helmick

Run to me by Tonya Mills

Happy New Year!

http://youtu.be/sC3RFTfG39E

Just wanted to share!

Presence

I did the countdown like everyone else.  First it was weeks til Christmas, then it was Fridays til christmas, then finally we started counting down days.  On Christmas Eve I thought, Thank God, it is almost here!  I am never so happy to see a holiday come just so it can go! 

 As I sat at candlelight service I prayed to just feel His presence.  That’s all I wanted for Christmas!  I get caught up in just surviving this time of year.  I try to get through all the “merriness”, all the festivities, the food, the gifts; that I forget to just sit back and let it pass me by and enjoy the simplicity of Christmas!  The manger, the children, the love, the generosity, the familiar traditions, and warmth; warmth of fireplaces, warmth of homes shared, warmth of peoples hearts.  Sometimes at Christmas this is the only time we may see them.  If I am too busy wallowing in my own sad story I may miss that small window of opportunity to share the story of Jesus with someone. 

 The countdown finally hit the hour.  Christmas was here.  I don’t know what I expected to happen.  I guess I thought magically after it came it would all be back to normal.  I dreaded the day but it began to shape up with our new traditions.  Seems we are following Emily and Zac around the state.  So this year we made our way to Charleston, which I have to say was way better than Morgantown!  Kids cooked potato soup and cornbread, we listened to tacky Christmas carols, watched Home Alone 2(one of our Christmas favorites) and opened gifts.  We made our way out and about the city taking pictures.  I was still waiting to “feel” Christmas!  

We entered the NICU at Women's and Children's hospital to visit baby Cooper Bailes and his parents.  As I felt his little fingers wrap around mine, that is when I felt Christmas.  I could feel determination, perseverance, “grit”, Christmas magic, hope, love…I could feel Jesus, just the same as if He had come down from Heaven and wrapped his fingers around mine; all right there in little Coopers grasp. Only 6 weeks old and 4lbs and he had already been through so much-premature by 10 weeks, multiple surgeries- and yet here he is helping me find Christmas!

Psalm 145:9 (NIV)

9 

The Lord is good to all;

    he has compassion on all he has made.

 At candlelight as I prayed for Gods presence I also asked to “feel” Danny's presence.  He was so much a part of my birthday, with the flowers, candy and jewelry, I just wanted a little glimpse of him now.  There are only 3 things that I actually wanted at Christmas, well not really Christmas, but I just wanted. 

 1) A family picture for my wall.  A friend not only took it, but had it made and delivered!  2) Tina and I were shopping at the mall a couple weeks before Christmas and I saw several pictures on canvas of churches but they were quite expensive.  So I asked her to take a picture of that little white church at Green Sulphur, Lick Creek Baptist Church.  But I wanted it when it snowed because they have lights that shine in the windows!  Not a tough order for a photographer, we just had to wait for the snow.  I didn’t tell anyone else, no need, she had this, just wait for the snow.  Week of Christmas and we are exchanging gifts at work.  Dr. Martin and I were exchanging gifts and as I pull out the gift I know he had to wonder about the expression on my face.  There on the canvas is a little white church…in the snow…and on the side was a switch…it lit up candles in the windows of the church! So I asked him, “did God tell you to get that for me?” and he says, “I think He did!”  3) So I was doing the Walmart thing one evening with Tina and as we passed down the aisle with kitchen utensils I admired silverware and glasses!  Not just any silverware but the polished kind, yes I know I am warped, but just go with it!  I was still using the silverware Danny’s aunt had gotten us for a wedding gift 30 years ago and it had seen many hard knocks.  And my dishwasher had ruined my set of glasses I had. I admired it and told Tina I was going to buy that…after Christmas.  We had Christmas for the Treadway’s this past weekend and here comes Emily with a gift bag and guess what was inside.  My flatware!  But not just any flatware, it was polished, just like I wanted.  And my glasses…Tanner had them wrapped and we packed them to Charleston and back again.  I know I didn’t tell THEM my Christmas list for eating utensils and drinking glasses!  So it would seem that God once again had given me my hearts desires! 

 But I was still waiting for that one thing,  Danny!  I am always waiting on that one thing!  So when we got to Steve and Teresa’s for our annual Christmas dinner, here comes Tanner with a Bible in his hand.  He said look at this bible Teresa found in Grandpa’s desk.  Now remember, Grandpa has been dead almost 5 years now!  5 years!!  I know Teresa has had multiple times to find this bible.  Inside the front cover was the inscription;

Thank God for what He has done for you Danny…July 25, 1974

the year he had his 1st heart surgery…signed Pastor Leroy Crane.

I don’t remember how that bible ended up there but I know it ended up in my hand at this time because I needed to “feel” Danny’s presence this Christmas!  I just love how my God takes care of the little details of my life and he not only supplies my needs but even the desires of my heart!

Psalm 37:4 (NIV)

4 

Take delight in the Lord,

    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

In my heart are many desires; some spoken, some unspoken, but I know in Gods time, these desires will become reality…Gods time.

Matthew 22:37 (NIV)

37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’

Romans 5:5 (NIV)

5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

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