I Still Believe

To say I have looked forward to this weekend is an understatement.  Ever since the Extraordinary womens Conference last year I have experienced a revival in my heart.  But like with anything you have to fan the flames to keep the fires burning.  Well after about 6 months the flames began to die.  The embers were still there, smoldering...just waiting for the fan.  This conference is my fan.  I had my ticket and the room had been reserved for months!  The closer the time came the more Satan began interfering in my life.  Every day I got out of bed, something different hurt.  My steps became fewer then the stomach virus struck.  It took me a while to figure out that there was a huge blessing waiting for me at this conference.

On Wednesday morning I was feeling pretty low and had a fleeting thought that maybe I wouldnt go.  God gave me this verse:

Hebrews 10:35-36 (NIV)

35 So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.

36 You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.

Persevere!  As I look back at the scripture I posted on facebook on Monday, God was giving me fair warning.

Psalm 73:26 (NIV)

26 My flesh and my heart may fail,

   but God is the strength of my heart

   and my portion forever.

God was telling me then to watch out!  But I didn’t see it til it actually hit.  After I realized it was just the devil trying to steal my blessing I decided right then and there I would be here where I am sitting amongst 10,000 women if I had to be carried in.  A friend asked me earlier in the week if I prayed for patience...I used to.  Not anymore.  I pray for strength.

Joshua 1:9 (NIV)

9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged,for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)

10 So do not fear, for I am with you;

   do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

   I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

God was giving me the strength I needed.  It took me a while, yes I know I am a slow learner, but I started taking that scripture with me all day.  I re read it at work, before I went to bed and in the mornings when I got up I thanked god for that strength I knew He was giving me.  No matter what you yourself plan, no matter what Satan does to interrupt these plans, if God has a plan it will happen.

Isaiah 14:27 (NLT)

27 The Lord of Heaven’s Armies has spoken—who can change his plans?   When his hand is raised, who can stop him?”

I don’t always like waiting for this plan because Gods time does not equal my time.  I want it and I want it like yesterday.  But here that patience thing I prayed for ONCE!  Well He didn’t forget that prayer.  He is fine tuning me.  Working on my masterpiece.  He is the artist, the potter, I am the clay.

Here is a quote I had to read a few times before I really said “yeah I get it”

“I never had a trial I wanted to have but I never had a trial I wasn’t glad I had”      Jack Hyles

sometimes I am so busy weaving in and out of trials, climbing up and down the mountains that I forget to just be bold and love life.  No matter what comes my way I just need to embrace it and love life.  I need to thank Him for the valleys that I walk through because without them the top of the mountain wouldn’t be so sweet.

As I entered the civic center friday evening I could feel the electricity of 10,000 women coming together to praise God and worship together.  Like I said I knew there was going to be a blessing so I was ready to sit back and soak it all in.  I had made it!  The devil couldn’t stop me now!

Proverbs 16:9N(NLT)

9 We can make our plans,    but the Lord determines our steps.

Our first speaker was Chonda Pierce and I was ready; prepared for the tears I knew would come.  Chondas husband had died 2 months before and she is a comedian so I knew what her routine was going to be based on and I was right.  She related how life had changed after the death of her high school sweetheart.  And no matter how many times you hear this story, they are always the same; the loss, the anger, the loneliness.  And no matter who you are you have to go through this.  She sang a song I have sang many times,   “I’m Gonna Make It!”  It took me a year before I could sing that song without tears.  And here she was 2 months out and she was singing it, I joined her singing from my seat and yes the tears flowed.  To all my friends who have lost their spouse, I would just love to hold you all close and tell you it will all be alright but the truth is I can’t because I am not there yet.  Even after 2 years….not there.  And I often wonder will I ever be there.  There are so many days I just want to throw in the towel.  I am ready to give up but then there is that still small voice I hear, which I have come to recognize as God saying, “Don’t quit, just before the miracle!”  I know my miracle is coming, once again patience.

Psalm 5:3New (NIV)

3 In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice;  in the morning I lay my requests before you    and wait expectantly.

I tell God what I want.  I thank Him for what He has given me.  And at times I have been angry at him for what He took from me but that again is something you have to go through to get through!  But I know God answers prayers.  He answers every single prayer I pray.  And as I pray I expect . When you find out you are expecting a baby, don’t you get ready?  You buy baby stuff.  You prepare the room.  YOu even discuss it with  your other children to prepare them.  Well as I have prayed, its like giving birth.  I am preparing my life, getting ready.  I know you think I am crazy.  But I know God is going to come through for me.  thats the only way I can get through the day.  I trust in his promises that He made to me; because He loves me!

1 Corinthians 13:7(NIV)

7 It(love)  always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Our first night was coming to a close and I felt that hearing Chonda’s story and her experience was the blessing god had for me.  She was where I had been.  all of her fears and anxieties so much like my own let me know that I was on the right track.  We came down early out of the stands to avoid the rush.  Jeremy Camp was singing and he was singing his last song.  But I couldn’t bring myself to leave.  As he finished the song he started telling a story of his life 13 years before.  He married in 2000 and his wife died in 2001 of ovarian cancer.  Here was this normal appearing young man, 36, on fire for God.  He was re married, had 3 children and sings the most amazing songs of what god has done for him.  He was 13 years past the most devastating time in his life and he was praising god.  Oh yes, I can see why the devil didn’t want me here this weekend,  He didn’t want me to see how others that had been broken had been peiced back together with God as the super glue.

Psalm 61:2(NIV)

2 From the ends of the earth I call to you,    I call as my heart grows faint;    lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

Our struggles and trials don’t go unnoticed by God.  I won’t say they are from God, but I do think he allows them to happen so that he can see what we are made of.  He wants us to be like Jesus so sometimes he heats us in the fire.  I firmly believe no matter what bad things happen in your life, god will make something good happen out of it.

Romans 8:28(NIV)

28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose.

The EWomens conference this weekend has ignited the embers that were just smoldering.  The speakers and song leaders have fanned the flames.  Its up to me now and the 10,000 women that have sparks ready to jump off and ignite new fires.  Take these sparks back into our churches, our homes, our schools and let the fires fall.

Jeremy Camp wrote this song after his first wife died:

I Still Believe

Scattered words and empty thoughts

seem to pour from my heart

I've never felt so torn before

seems I don't know where to start

but it's now that I feel Your grace falls like rain

from every fingertip, washing away my pain

[Chorus:]

I still believe in Your faithfulness

I still believe in Your truth

I still believe in Your holy word

even when I don't see, I still believe

Though the questions still fog up my mind

with promises I still seem to bear

even when answers slowly unwind

it's my heart I see You prepare

but its now that I feel Your grace fall like rain

from every finger tip, washing away my pain[Chorus]

The only place I can go is into your arms

where I throw to you my feeble prayers

in brokenness I can see that this was your will for me

Help me to know You are near

And that is what it’s all about...Faith.

Hebrews 11:1(NKJV)

11 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

And I have the faith that God will take care of me.  That’s one of his promises.  I still believe…..