Follow the Road

Sitting on the edge of the river bank with the fishing pole in the water, the fishing line is stretched tight across the river.  Sometimes it’s hard to tell if the water is taking the line and bait or if a fish has taken hold of it.  But one thing is for sure, the boys sitting there on the bank have the faith that there will be a fish on the other end of their line…eventually.  That’s how faith works!  You know it’s going to happen…you just wait for it.

1 Timothy 6:12

Fight the good fight of the faith.  Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.

As I tried to find my way to the camp by the river, I went on directions Randy gave me.  They have been there a million times and I am sure they thought there should be no problem.  Follow the road, follow the road, that’s what they said.  When I followed the road I ended up at a white gate, dead end.  So back up and take a left go across the railroad tracks and once again, follow the road.  What about the fork in the road?  Stay left, all minor little details but all important.  Had I not known which way to go I would’ve ended up at the wrong place.  I figured it out with a little help.

My life is kind of like these directions.  God keeps telling me, follow the road, follow the road, but then I end up at unexplained dead ends and He says back up and go left.  I do and eventually get where God is leading me.  Sunday morning was one of those snags in the road.  It was chilly but I had my window up just a little; enough so that the cat jumped up to enjoy the fresh air.  When he jumped up all of my books hit the floor.  So instead of picking them up I decided to go ahead and get dressed for church they could wait til after.  So to church I went.  Our sermon was “The Good Soldier” 1 Timothy 6:12 fight the Good Faith.  All about faith.

Hebrews 11:6 (NLT)

⁶ And it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him.

I have been struggling with my faith.  Saturday I was working out in the yard.  The longer I worked the madder I got.  This was something Danny always enjoyed.  He did the big stuff I did the little stuff.  Last year I avoided the yard all together.  Kind of like my house.  If I ignore it, it will go away.  Well it’s been almost 2 years and no, it doesn’t go away.  It’s still there.  Every reminder of him still there.  His hat is still  in the same spot, hanging there as if he is coming back.  So every weed I trimmed reminded me one more time, he isn’t coming back.  So I finally quit and went to the woods.  That was no better,; trees had fallen down during various storms, across the roadway, blocking the path. I thought how different it would’ve been had he been there.  We would walk that same path I was walking only he would decide what needed done and we would do it.  Only there isn’t a we anymore there is only me.  The same things need done except I don’t enjoy doing them.  I try…but after 2 years I still can’t.  Shouldn’t I be better by now?  I am better at hiding it.  I am better at covering it up.  I am better at changing the subject… but no I am not better.  I remember last Memorial Day…wasn’t that just yesterday?  Seems like it.  Time has passed but not the memories.  Why is that?  I had a dental appt and as it so happened there was an emergency.  So the dental assistant had to sit and keep me company.  Chit chat!  Don’t you know her husband died of cancer 8 years before…she still feels like it was yesterday.  So I guess I am not so out of the ordinary after all.  The tears don’t come as often or at least as often in public anymore.  I have learned to suppress.  Although the sadness I can’t hide.  Someone told me this weekend I was very transparent.  I don’t think I like being so transparent so that I have no place to hide.  No hiding place.  When things are out of balance they don’t work right.  I am out of balance…still.  Will that last forever?  That’s where my questionable faith comes in.  I want to have the faith that it will all work out but I am weak.  And I know that when I am weak He is strong.  So right now He should be very strong.  Life confuses me.  Kind of like the directions to Randys camp.  Which way do I go?  Left or right?  Dead ends!  I feel like a leaf floating on the river; carried by the current, this way and that.  Sometimes without a purpose or a plan just drifting.  But I know that isn’t so.  It’s just that I don’t know what it is.

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

He knows my plan, I just don’t have the faith to trust him and go along with it.  After church I came home and there in the floor were all the books….still in the floor.  So I began to pick them up.  The first book caught my eye.  “Understanding How to Fight the Good Fight of Faith” by Kenneth Hagin.  Isn’t that just like God?  I had come to a dead end and He was telling me to just breathe…slow down…back up and go left.  He was telling me to go across the railroad tracks and just follow the road.  Just follow the road.  Are there going to be forks in the road ahead?  Yes.  Confusing dead ends?  Yes…but with faith I will follow the road, follow the road.  He knows my plan, my future; I just have to trust him with it.  If he has to knock over a few books to get my attention then that’s one of those minor road bumps.  I have had this book for a year now and I have picked it up, read a page or two and put it back.  But I think God is telling me now is the time to read it.  He has something to tell me and it is in this book.

2 Corinthians 5:17 (NIV)

¹⁷ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

He is trying to fix my balance…If I will only see the old me…the old “we” is gone.  I am a new creature thanks to Christ.

2 Corinthians 4:16 (NIV)

¹⁶ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day

 

Faith grows with understanding Gods Word.

John 16:23 (NIV)

²³ In that day you will no longer ask me anything. Very truly I tell you, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name

As I follow the road…the road God has laid out ahead for me this is all I know to do!

1 Chronicles 22:19a (NIV)

¹⁹ Now devote your heart and soul to seeking the Lord your God.

I am sure there will be no dead ends on this path!