Frozen
Wintertime. It’s depressing. It’s cold. It’s inconvenient. It’s expensive. Expenses like your heat bill, increased gas bill because you start your car early and let it run every chance you get. Snow tires, snow boots, snow coats…bundle and layer, everything! I enjoy winter for about 1 week and thats it. I’m done with it. I look out on a winters evening at 5pm and darkness is all I see. The only thing I think of is, SPRING has got to be there around the corner somewhere! Dead flowers, dead trees just waiting to bloom underneath that snow and ice. Yesterday evening as I left work the roads were crunchy underneath the tires. The roads looked very slick, but I didn’t slip a tire all the way home. Under all the crunchy as my tires dug into the snow on the road I could see where the salt trucks had been out to do their job. And it worked. My first inclination was to hurry home so I didn’t get stuck in the muck of winter. But to my surprise it was more like an adventure. I actually got to stop and visit with 3 friends and neighbors before I reached my final destination.
2 Corinthians 7:1(NIV)
7 Therefore, since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.
Sometimes I think our spiritual walk is like an adventure. Just like my drive home. We are all sinful creatures, born that way! Jesus makes it so easy to clean up our streets, He sprinkles our sinful paths with cinders called “the Bible”. He gives us scripture for everything that we go through. All we have to do is call upon his name.
Romans 10:9(NIV)
9 If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
As I travel my journey, walk my walk, side by side with Jesus holding my hand I have encountered many roadblocks. Sometimes I can easily re route but then there are those times I have to stand and fight. I have to stay in the battle. I have to face my giants. Many times those giants are physical but other times they are in my own mind. Either way they are real to me. Giants are like fear. Fear is real! What scares one may not scare someone else but that doesn’t make it any less.
1 Samuel 17:47N(NIV)
47 All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord’s, and he will give all of you into our hands.
Discouragement is one of the biggest giants I face. In a broken sinful world it is so easy to become discouraged. We are always looking out for number 1. Advertisements are geared to keep everything centered on “me”. It’s all about “me”! We forget to check on our neighbor. Instead we sit at home and wonder why no one is checking on me! Extend a hand when you can. Offer a smile even when you don’t feel like it. It will make your day brighter.
Psalm 16:9(NKJV)
9
Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices;
My flesh also will rest in hope.
In our many adventures of life whether they be small evening trips trying to get home from work or maybe it’s the bigger adventures of life that God has entrusted us with. Perhaps a chronic illness, death of a loved one, a special needs child, divorce, there are so many paths that we travel and God uses each one of us as we journey. We have the opportunity to tell others how he remains faithful to us during our lowest and during the darkest hours! Our God today is the same God who kept his promises to Sarah and Abraham.
Hebrews 11:11 (NKJV)
11 By faith Sarah herself also received strength to conceive seed, and she bore a child when she was past the age, because she judged Him faithful who had promised.
He has given us so many promises down through the ages. Promises we have seen come to pass. I can't write about Gods promises to me without this scripture.
Jeremiah 29:11(NIV)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I think of so many broken dreams He has, is, and will restore, and that’s just for me. And what He will do for me…He will do for you. He is no respecter of persons. We are all his children. I long for the day when I can sit at his feet and look upon his face. To see his eyes. There are so many pictures of Jesus but it’s always the eyes that captivate me. To see the love in those eyes, just for me. It’s hard to imagine, because I feel so unworthy. I never do enough to measure up. Always messing up. But just as I was reminded this morning in our sermon, it’s all about grace. Noah found grace in the eyes of the Lord…Genesis 6:8
There it is with the eyes again. Maybe that’s what I long to see. Grace. Mercy. Love. All of that when He looks at me. Promises. He delights in keeping his promises to us. God is faithful.
1 John 1:9(NIV)
9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
I was reminded today, after finding a letter tucked in the pages of my journal, that when we look into the eyes of a 5 year old we can see Jesus. Jesus is also there in a friends tears as they grieve; a friends smile as they deal with pain every day; He is there in your ordinary day as strangers offer you a helping hand, as friends offer you a hug to help the hurt.
Lamentations 5:21 (NIV)
21
Restore us to yourself, Lord, that we may return;
renew our days as of old
Psalm 118:6(NIV)
6
The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid.
What can mere mortals do to me?
As we muddle through life it is hard to keep our eyes on Jesus! Sometimes I feel like that storm is raging and I am walking on the water just like Peter, and I , just for an instant, take my eyes off of Him. Thats all it takes. I sink deep, deeper until I can’t find my way. I always feel like as I am walking there is a force against me. Trying to suck me in and under. Sometimes it wins. That’s how I feel. Tired. I am tired of fighting the force. My body is tired. My mind is tired. I’m tired of the physical demons that invade my life on a daily basis. I know that Jesus is there, I know he holds my todays, my tomorrows and I can look back on my life and say yes, he even had my yesterdays. But that doesn’t change anything. I have been running away for so long always trying to stay ahead, even if by just one step, but I slowed down, took my eyes off of the prize and now I find myself lost unable to dig my way out. I feel like I am at the bottom of all this snow we have and there is 3 foot on top and more predicted.
Psalm 16:11(NIV)
11
You make known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand
I don’t even put out my hand for someone to grab. I don’t try to climb out of the pit I find myself in. I just become numb to all of my surroundings and slowly but surely I freeze. At first it’s painful and then the longer I stay there the more frozen I become. And as I freeze, I begin to go numb. The tears no longer come. I no longer feel. At first it feels good, almost a relief. But it’s hard to show compassion when you are numb yourself. When you no longer feel, it is hard to feel for another. And while I enjoy the pain being relieved I begin to miss the tears. I miss the warmth of them as they slid down my face. I miss the salty flavor as they ran in my mouth. I miss the release my heart felt the minute my eyes would overflow. Life is a vicious cycle. We are born, we live, we laugh, we cry, we love, we die…and we do it over and over again. But right now I am stuck just like an instant replay only it is in slow motion and I feel like I die over and over and over again. I am not living, not laughing, not even crying…I still love….Always love.
Psalm 130:5 (NIV)
5
I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
And yes, I wait…sometimes not so patiently.
Psalm 37:7(NIV)
7
Be still before the Lord
and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.
I have tried to cut myself off from everyone and everything while I am “still” but that just makes me depressed. Thankfully I have friends that care not only about me but FOR me!
Philippians 2:4 (NIV)
4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
Friends are like the fist that breaks through the ice to reach in and take my hand. They try to pull me upwards out of the icy tomb that I have made for myself but it is hard to hold on to!
Psalm 28:7 (NIV)
7
The Lord is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.
My heart leaps for joy,
and with my song I praise him.
That strength is the only thing that will pull me out. I have had it in my grasp and have felt the warmth of His love and oh how I long to feel that again.
Psalm 67:1 (NIV)
1
May God be gracious to us and bless us
and make his face shine on us
When I am in his presence I can feel all the chains fall away. The chains of depression, of illness, grief, pain, disappointment; all the hurts of this life. I can feel them melt away as I gaze upon the face of Jesus. When I shut my eyes and say the name of Jesus I can see His eyes. The same eyes that looked at Peter after he denied him for the 3rd time. I am sure those eyes were filled with compassion, forgiveness, and love. The same way He looks at you and me. Never judgmental. Always gentle.
Psalm 143:8(NIV)
8
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I entrust my life.
As I walked today, the sun shining on my face. I prayed. The same prayer I have prayed many times. Give me a heart like yours Lord! And as I look around at all the snow drifts piled high I see they are melting, very slowly, but they are smaller. It’s the same way in my heart. As I pray that prayer, I start to feel a little of that thaw take place inside of me. I can feel a little of that anxiety ebb away ever so slowly, just like the trickling of water at the bottom of those snow piles.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10(NIV)
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
I was talking with a friend and as I complained of the darkness I was in, he reminded me that without darkness there could be no light. Without our dark moments, our weaknesses, God cannot do His greatest work, for that is when He is strong. Do I like being depressed? No! Nor do I like being weak! But until you have been so down that there is no where else to go, you can’t know what an amazing feeling it is to be lifted up by the Great I Am. To feel your heavenly father who has been walking by your side and holding your hand, lift you up and carry you…it is the greatest feeling. That is the feeling that I long for. To feel the comfort and love that only He gives. He never promised it would be easy, he never promised we wouldn’t have trials; but what he did promise is that He would be there to love us through it. Walk with us, lead our steps and yes carry us if needed. He has done that for me and when we are on that mountain top we tend to forget until we are back in that valley. But I am reminded today to keep shining that light that sometimes is so hard to do in the dark.
Isaiah 60:1(NIV)
60
“Arise, shine, for your light has come,
and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.
We have to rise up, no matter what darkness we are in. Whether we are in a pit alone with our own demons or if we are surrounded by friends or even strangers. When we are there in the darkness all of our problems are right there with us. Not until we let the light of Jesus in can we begin to feel any relief. Sometimes it’s even hard to let go of them. We hold on to them as tight as we can. They have shaped us, made us who we are. Maybe they even act as a crutch. We have blamed our life and the way it has turned out on our problems, whether we like it or not. So when Jesus starts to shine and we feel our problems slip from our grasp it’s hard sometimes to not grab them back because then what do we blame our mess ups on?
Job 12:22 (NIV)
22
He reveals the deep things of darkness
and brings utter darkness into the light.
I need to let that light in and I need to let it shine over me, through me, inside of me. It’s like sunshine on a rainy day.
Proverbs 4:18 (NIV)
18
The path of the righteous is like the morning sun,
shining ever brighter till the full light of day.
For me, for you, for anyone who has ever been down, depressed, sad, sick, grieved; it doesn’t matter what…it’s the WHO! Tonight as I struggled and felt lost and even alone I slipped away. I wanted to find that quiet place where I could be in the presence of Jesus. Just us! And there I was, I didn’t know what to pray or what to say but it didn’t matter. When I said his name and raise my hand to reach for him I knew He not only took my hand, He had it all along. I just had to speak his name. He wants to give us that PEACE we so crave. That love we so desire and that hope of tomorrow where all our troubles and trials are washed away, there is only Jesus. We will be healed of all our diseases our body and mind will be made whole.
Jeremiah 33:6 (NIV)
6 “‘Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security.
I still have so far to go. Every day is a struggle. But I know who holds my tomorrows, and yes, sometimes I need reminded. Life isn’t easy, but is it worth it? You bet it is! The treasures God has given us while we are here; family, friends, relationships, these are all gifts from God.
Luke 1:37(NKJV)
37 For with God nothing will be impossible.”
During our darkest times as we stumble through life, which in my case means many days I want to stay in bed with the cover over my head, we have to remember there are those on the other side of those covers that love us. They worry about us and care what happens to us. I thank God I have friends that will pester me to come out of my shell when I want to be a hermit. I hope that I can be that same kind of friend, loving caring and a nuisance when I need to be. Remember this, when you are withdrawing from society and retreating into your own shell, when you are ready to crawl into that hole and you get ready to pull the hole in after you…remember to take Jesus there with you. Because I guarantee you there is a purpose for your depression. There is purpose for your grief, your sadness, your pain. God not only has a purpose He has a plan. And it is perfect. So in the midst of your darkness wherever you are in it, smile just once…just a little. And I know the light of Jesus Christ will shine through all of your brokenness and cracks that you and I try to hide. Those rays of light will be your greatest blessing to someone else. Let God melt the frozen, flavor the bitter and most of all let him shine in your darkness.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8(NKJV)
Everything Has Its Time
3
To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:
2
A time to be born,
And a time to die;
A time to plant,
And a time to pluck what is planted;
3
A time to kill,
And a time to heal;
A time to break down,
And a time to build up;
4
A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
And a time to dance;
5
A time to cast away stones,
And a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace,
And a time to refrain from embracing;
6
A time to gain,
And a time to lose;
A time to keep,
And a time to throw away;
7
A time to tear,
And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence,
And a time to speak;
8
A time to love,
And a time to hate;
A time of war,
And a time of peace.
